Some abused children keep incest a secret until sexual intercourse or pain is involved, or they learn from their peers that a sexual relationship between a parent and child isn't the norm, Wilson said. "Incest is a problem of impulse and control," Wilson said, adding that the entire involved family, not just the father, needs help. Wilson said it takes an outside party to put an end to the father's incestuous behavior, no matter how much a father pleads he will stop. The act of sexual abuse within a family usually is repeated until the child reports it to a relative, friend or neighbor.īut often a child's words aren't enough to end it because mothers and other adults can be difficult to convince.
"They can look externally OK." Ann Beam, supervisor of the Department of Human Services' Child Welfare Department, said lower-income families tend to have more stress, which contributes to family problems such as incest.īeam and several counselors believe most incidents of incest are not one-time events. "The higher-class families can cover it up easier," Wilson said. Though Sunbeam Family Services, a non-profit agency, counsels more victims and abusers from lower-income families, incest can occur in families of any socio-economic level. If a father becomes sexually aroused when dressing in front of his child, sleeping with his child or taking a bath with his child, he is behaving in an incestuous way, counselors agree. The child needs to know that mommy and daddy have a special relationship which the child can never be a part of." "This is the time parents should set limits. "This is the Oedipal stage in which the kids are naturally attracted to the parent of the opposite sex," Wilson said.
"Sexual abuse usually begins with some type of fondling when the child is between 9 and 12 years old."Ĭhildren are also vulnerable to becoming incest victims between 3 and 6 years old, she added. Most fathers, she said, are not aware of when the relationships between them and their daughters become sexual. "Sexual intimacy with a child is gradual it develops over a number of years," the counselor explained. In some cases, she said, the daughter switches roles with the mother by taking on household responsibilities as well as the role of the father's sex partner. Hence, the father, who sees sexual touching as the only way to get emotional satisfaction, turns to a child he can be close to, Wilson said. As a result, these wives are separated from their husbands either emotionally or physically. Some may become hospitalized, alcoholic, psychotic or depressed. Referring to a study published in American Journal of Psychiatry, the counselor said that more than half of the women in these families are afflicted with serious illnesses or disabilities.
The mother in incest families often is a homemaker who is financially dependent on the husband, Wilson said. "One theory is that the father is looking for a closeness and emotional kindness that has nothing to do with sex," Wilson said, pointing out that he may not get this from his wife. These "family-oriented" men, desperate for affection and nurture, want to keep the family together and wouldn't think of going outside the family to prostitutes or other women to fufill their needs, said social worker Cheryl Wilson of Sunbeam Family Services, Inc. The father who commits incest with his daughter, in most cases, is not a "dirty old man," a "pervert" or a "sex maniac."Īs described by several social workers who counsel incest victims and families, many incestuous fathers are in their late 30s, are fairly intelligent, have been married about 10 years and may be businessmen, professionals or have trades or skills.